Nursery Crimes/Transcript

(Kim and Ron are driving to a house. They park and get out to go inside.)

Nursery Crimes

Kim: Hurry Ron! Baby and missing are a bad combination.

Ron: Right with you, KP.

(Inside the house, they investigate a baby's crib. Kim finds a sample of hair.)

Kim: Wade. Need a DNA scan of the baby's hair, then an ultraviolet sweep of the nursery....Ron?

(She finds Ron playing with the baby's toy blocks.)

Ron: Ah-hah! I spelled Rufus!

(The baby's parents arrive.)

Mother: Kim Possible! Thank goodness you're here.

Kim: We came as soon as we heard your baby was......

(Kim sees the baby in her mother's arms.)

Kim: .......right there in your arms?

Father: It's not our baby that's missing.

Mother: No! It's her... .....her...

Father: Pacie!

Kim: You called us for a missing pacifier?

Ron: Can't you just buy a new one?

(The baby starts crying very loudly, then the Kimmunicator beeps.)

Kim: What up, Wade?

Wade: Something seriously weird.

Kim: Let me guess. A worldwide wave of stolen pacifiers?

Wade: Yeah! How did you know?

Kim: Just a hunch.

Mother: Whoever did this......

(The baby starts crying very loudly again)

Mother: (shouting) I said whoever did this left a note.

(The mother hands the note to Kim.)

Ron: Oh look! Ransom is spelled out in little booties! Oh, that's adorable! And......(Ron sneezes).... dusty.

Kim: Not dust.... baby powder!

Nursery Crimes

(Back at Bueno Nacho)

Wade: Scan complete, Kim... ....And... ...we're looking at a rare baby talc, manufactured in the tiny English village of Shireshimshire..... ......well, it used to be.

Kim: Not anymore?

Wade: The baby powder factory has been closed for years.

Ron: Uh, sounds dead end-ish.

Wade: Maybe not. Look at this. Shireshimshire is also the home of a nanny-training academy.... ....oh wait..... .....also closed.

Ron: That's double dead end-ish.

Rufus: Yeah.

Kim: It's the only lead we got, better check it out.

(In Shireshimshire, Kim and Ron approach the old house where the nanny academy used to be.)

Ron: Okay.... .....the creepy factor's in serious 'over-freak' here.

(Rufus looks scared and shudders.)

Kim: It's just an old house. It's not haunted.

(Kim rings the door bell. A very old woman answers the door.)

Ron: Ah-Ha! It's a zombie!

Nanny Mame: May I help you?

Kim: (Aside to Ron) Not a zombie!....(then to the old lady) Hi, we're looking for Nanny Mame.

Nanny Mame: I am she.

Kim: I'm Kim Possible, and this is Ron Stoppable.

Ron: Hey.....

Nanny Mame: Hay is for horses, young man! And do stand up straight. Your posture is atrocious.

Ron: Yes, Ma'am.

Kim: We were hoping to find out about your nanny academy.

Nanny Mame: Dearie, there hasn't been an academy here for years. No one needs nannies anymore. At least not nannies who know how to handle unruly children.

Kim: It's just that we have some questions about the baby powder that used to be manufactured here.

Nanny Mame: Ohhhhhh! Perhaps I can help you with that.

Kim: Really?

Nanny Mame: Yes! I would suggest you take your questions and... go elsewhere!

(Nanny Mame slams the door shut in their faces.)

Kim, Ron: Huh?

Kim: (gasps)

(At a local shop called 'Cow and Cone.' It is an ice cream shop.)

Kim: Let's see if the other locals are friendlier.

Ron: Uh, I'd settle for not as bone chillingly eerie.

Counter Server: Welcome to the Cow and Cone. Have a pint? Would it be a hand scooped or soft served?

Ron: Well, uh I'm a scoop guy myself. Pistachio please.

Rufus: Me too.

Counter Server: And how about you, miss? What would you like?

Kim: Information.

Counter Server: Certainly! Happy to help.

Kim: It's about the nanny academy.

(Suddenly everyone in the shop becomes very nervous and anxious when Kim says that, including the Counter server.)

Counter Server: Well, it was an academy, right now.......lovely old place. it was.

Kim: What happened?

Counter Server: Oh....times, miss. Same as the rest of Shireshimshire. First, the baby powder plant closed. Then, people stopped hiring nannies.

Ron: And that's when they went into the zombie business! Right?

Rufus: Uh-huh!

Counter Server: What's he on about?

Kim: What about the old woman we spoke to there?

Counter Server: (looking surprised)You spoke to, ummm... Nanny Mame? Oh...ah, you needn't worry a tick about her! She's a lovely woman, that one! Salt of the earth!

Woman in a blue shirt: A heart of gold, she has!

Old Man: They don't make 'em like her anymore.

(The people in the shop start looking around, especially under the tables.)

Ron: Why would they want to?

Kim: (seeing the people looking around) What are they looking for?

Counter Server: Not babies, miss! Never babies! We like babies round here, we do! (chuckles nervously) That's right!

Woman in a blue shirt: Oh yes! We like babies just fine!.......but not snoopers like you!

(The people in the shop start to complain at Kim and Ron about their questions.)

Counter Server: (looking a bit mad) Perhaps your order should be for take away.

(Kim and Ron leave the ice cream shop. Ron is looking at his ice cream which is purple.)

Kim: Things are way weird here.

Ron: Yeah, pistachio is supposed to be green.

Kim: We need to take another look at that academy.

Ron: Okay, but walk slow. 'Cause once you get passed the purple. this is good pistachio.

(A pack of babies enter the ice cream shop. Soon the sounds of violence and crashing furniture are heard.)

Counter Server: (heard from outside the shop) Oh!...Oh! I didn't tell 'em nothing! I swears I didn't! How 'bout one of them sherbets then?

(Back at the old house of Nanny Mame. Ron is noisily munching on his pistachio ice cream cone.)

Kim: Ron, infiltrating, no crunch zone.

Ron: Right.....Um...mmm.......mmm.....mmm Whoa! There was chocolate at the bottom! Hah!

Kim: (sighs)

(They split up and begin to circle the house. Kim turns on the Kimmunicator.)

Kim: Wade, what have you got?

Wade: Nothing I can put my finger on. Infrared shows something in there is using a lot of power. But I have no idea what!

(Ron finds a ground level window looking into the basement of the old house. He looks inside. He sees a pack of babies are carrying the counter server to a machine and they throw him screaming on the conveyor belt, which takes him through the machine and turns him from a grown man into a baby.)

Counter Server: Ahhhhh!!!

Ron, Rufus: (Gasp)

(Kim comes up to where Ron is looking through the window.)

Ron: Kim, don't look! This is possibly the sickest thing I've ever seen!

Kim: Sicker then the time you put diablo sauce on pancakes?

Ron: Much!!!!

(Suddenly, a sudden a pack of babies rappel down on knotted linens onto Kim and Ron and everything goes black. They find themselves in the basement, tied up and sitting in toddler chairs.)

Kim: Gyaaaaa!... Captured by babies. This is a new personal low.

Ron: You gotta admit they were cute.......until they kicked our butts.

(One nearby baby playing on the floor turns and blows a raspberry at Ron. Nanny Mame puts in an appearance.)

Nanny Mame: Apparently during your last visit, I did not make myself clear.

Kim: Oh, it's very clear. You're creating an army of super babies, and using them to steal pacifiers.

Ron: Okay. Now see, I was thinking that, but when you said it out loud, it...it sounded silly.

Kim: I know.

Nanny Mame: Your impertinence must be punished!

(A tea kettle whistles.)

Nanny Mame: After tea! Excuse me a moment.

(Nanny Mame leaves momentarily to get her tea.)

Kim: I'll keep her talking. You see if Rufus can free us.

Ron: Okay, right! Rufus?.....Rufus! You gotta chew through these ropes.

Rufus: (Squeaks and squawks) Uh-huh!

(Nanny Mame returns.)

Nanny Mame: So very naughty! Trying to muck up Nanny Mame's plans like this. (She drinks some tea) Hmmmm.........what to do?

Kim: You could tell us what this is all about. That's sort of traditional in situations like this.

Nanny Mame: Well, dearie. Back in the day I trained the sternest nannies the world has ever seen. But times changed. A stern nanny was no longer the fashion. Fewer and fewer of my graduates were hired. Finally, Nanny had to close her lovely academy for good.

Kim: So, this is about revenge?

Nanny Mame: Do not interrupt! That is quite rude! Nanny Mame realized you could make more money making children unhappy, then she could making them happy.

Ron: Hey, what's more traditional than greed?

Kim: And the um........hench babies?

Nanny Mame: These little dears? They show just what traditional Nannying and firm discipline can accomplish. Also, feeding full-size henchmen gets a bit pricey.

Ron: Cheap! That's traditional too!

(In the meantime, Rufus has chewed through the ropes and Kim and Ron now stand up, free of their bindings.)

Kim: The good guys getting free while the bad guy explains the plan......also traditional.

Nanny Mame: You Americans have some very strange traditions! Ones for which I don't much care!

(Then to the babies around her) Get them!

Ron: Ron Stoppable is more than a match for any baby! I got a little sis myself, so bring it on! (The babies attack him all at once.) Whoa! No, no! I meant one at a time. Ahhhh!

(Ron is gang tackled by four babies.)

Kim: How do I fight babies?

Ron: How do you not fight them? Ahhhh!

(The babies start throwing toys at Ron.)

Ron: Hey, watch the face!

Nanny Mame: That's it, dearies! Make Nanny proud.

(Kim runs across the room as the babies throw rubber ducky toys at her. They throw some toys on string that act like bolos and ensnare Ron.)

Ron: Uh... Man! These are some tough babies!

(One baby tries to chase down Rufus. Four others pick Ron up and take him to the machine, throwing him onto the conveyor belt.)

Ron: Hey, that tickles! Ho-ho!..........this is embarrassing.

(Ron goes through the machine and turns into a baby.)

Baby Ron: A....Ah.....ah....ah.....a-booyah.

(Kim jumps down to where Nanny has kept cookies for the babies and grabs one. She throws it and hits a button on the machine. It reverses the conveyor belt and Ron goes back through it.)

Kim: Don't be a baby, Ron!

(Ron goes back through the machine and turns back to his normal age.)

Ron: Huh?

Nanny Mame: It's very bad manners to play with your food!

Ron: What?

(Mame throws a cookie at the machine and reverse it again. Ron goes through the machine once more and turns into a baby again. Kim throws a rubber duck at the machine and Ron goes back through the machine and turns back to his normal age again.)

Ron: Huh?

(Mame throws another cookie at the machine and Ron goes a third time through the machine and turns into a baby yet again. Baby Ron comes though and falls over.)

Baby Ron: Whoa.....

Kim: (surprised) Huh?

(A pack of babies are heading right for her, pushing a play pen. Two more throw a rocking horse at her, which she jumps to avoid.)

Nanny Mame: These aren't like the babies you're used to. They're as strong as full grown men!

Kim: Well, the babies I'm used to......

(Kim suddenly gets an idea.)

Kim: Of course. This isn't a 'save the world' thing. It's a babysitting thing....

(She gets down on her knees as the babies approach her. She begins to speak to them like babies.)

Kim: Uh-oh! Where did Kimmie go?

(Kim covers her face with her hands. The babies are confused and start to wander and bump into each other.)

Nanny Mame: (getting angry) She's right there! You're acting!.......uh...uh....like children!

Kim: (uncovers her face) Peek-a-boo!

(The babies start to laugh. One of the babies approaches her, upset, and hits on her leg. She picks the baby up and blow raspberries on the baby's stomach. The baby starts to laugh. She puts the baby on the belt with Ron and hits the button to turn them back to normal.)

Nanny Mame: Nooooooo! Stop her!

(Mame throws another cookie at the machine, but this time Rufus swats it away. Kim turns all the babies back to adults one by one . Then Mame gets very angry and charges at Kim with an umbrella but Rufus squirts baby lotion in her path and she slips and falls on her back to the ground. Presumably due to her age, she does not get up. The scene changes to back outside the old house, as police take Nanny Mame away.)

Ron: Whuh... glad that's over.

Kim: Ummmm... it's not quite over. How many times did you go through that machine?

Ron: Well, I lost count. Why?

(Ron is seen now wearing a giant diaper.)

Ron: Oh, you know I find the giant diaper a delightful change of pace.

(Back in Middleton at the house of the baby whose pacifier was stolen.)

Mother: Ahhhhh!.....We finally got her settled down. She's asleep now.

Kim: We recovered the pacifier. Ron, where is it?

Ron: Got it right here, KP.

(He pulls it out and it's all covered with lint and hair)

Ron: Heh heh.......I'll just wipe it off.

Kim: Careful, Ron.

(Suddenly the pacifier slips out of Ron's hand and bounces away.)

Ron: Oops! Okay, wait.... no, I got it!

(Ron accidently knocks the pacifier out the window and the baby wakes up and starts crying very loudly.)

Ron: Oh don't worry! Don't worry! There's plenty more where that came from! How 'bout this one? No? Okay this one? I think this one's from France. No? You like pink? Oh, come on! everybody likes pink! How 'bout this one?